Heavy Metal & Hard Rock Christmas Songs!

King Diamond, “No Presents for Christmas”

King Diamond, “No Presents for Christmas” (Roadrunner)

There’s something oddly satisfying about a corpse-painted, falsetto-singing Satanist denying you presents on Christmas morning. “No Presents for Christmas” was actually the public’s first taste of King Diamond’s now-iconic solo career, as the anti-Christmas anthem was released two months before Fatal Portrait hit shelves worldwide. “No Presents for Christmas” opens with a Muzak-style rendering of a few Christmas classics before King Diamond tears the whole thing apart with demonic laughter. Could it be King Diamond became a Satanist because Santa skipped his house when he was a little boy?

Fear, Fear, “Fuck Christmas” (Slash)

Fear only needed 46 seconds to get their point across with “Fuck Christmas.” With his jazz crooner vocal style, Lee Ving does his impression of a classic Christmas tune before screaming “Fuck Christmas” time and time again. It’s the gift that never stops giving.Type O Negative, “Red Water (Christmas Mourning)”Type O Negative, “Red Water (Christmas Mourning)” (Roadrunner)
You’d better pout and cry… because seasonal depression is comin’ to town. Type O Negative’s “Red Water” is the Christmas song for those unable to partake in holiday joy and festivities, reminding people who reflect mournfully that they aren’t alone.Corey Taylor, “X-M@$”

Corey Taylor, “X-M@$” (Roadrunner)

“You know what Christmas carols need more of? Four-letter words!” Corey Taylor once opined in an egg nog stupor. In the style of Johnny Cash, Taylor runs through misanthropic verses before bursting into anthemic rock choruses. It’s the “People = Shit” of the holiday season.Dropkick Murphys, “The Season’s Upon Us”Dropkick Murphys, “The Season’s Upon Us” (Born & Bred)
Dropkick Murphys’ Christmas carol is a purely joyful one, paying homage to the lunatics we call family. A holiday air in the style of a bar room sing-along, “The Season’s Upon Us” will keep you celebrating until you’re praying to the porcelain goddess.The Darkness, “Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)”The Darkness, “Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” (Atlantic)
The Darkness didn’t even wait until they were famous to record a Christmas song. Hidden as a European bonus track on their debut album, Permission to Land, the Darkness’ “Christmas Time” actually hit No. 2 on the UK Singles chart while using the words “bellend” and “ringpiece.”
A little tongue-in-cheek fun from extreme metal trailblazers never harmed anyone. Following Venom’s glory days of the early ‘80s, the British band actually opened their fifth album, Calm Before the Storm, with “Black Xmas.” Not the best decision, perhaps, but for a Christmas song? Not so bad!Macabre, “Holidays of Horror”Macabre, “Holidays of Horror” (Vinyl Solution)
Who better to write a Christmas song than brutal death metallers that specialize in serial killers? Better turn that large intestine into a stocking before Macabre get to you with “Holidays of Horror.”
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